how-to-lose-weight-by-eating-like-a-toddler-the-toddler-diet

How To Lose Weight by Eating Like a Toddler – The Toddler Diet

Any woman who has given birth (no matter if it was 35 years ago) or man who wants to attend a high school reunion is going to be on the lookout for the newest diet to hit the market. The trouble with most diets, however, is that they don’t give you enough variation, or there are just too many steps (please, all you Weight Watchers devotees, don’t call me; I’ve been there and fallen flat on my face, into a bag of M&M’s, 30 minutes after my first meeting).

As sure as we all diet, at some point in our life we will cheat on our diets, quit after three days and go right back to our same old eating habits. Some die-hards never give up. They try every new fad, gimmick and product that hits the market. I even have one friend who is so optimistic that the next new stratagem is going work, she keeps a size 4 spandex jumpsuit in the front of her closet. She hasn’t been a size 2 since the 8th grade.

While baby sitting at my sister’s, and watching my 3-year-old nephew Dustin eat the most bizarre kinds of food and still keep his childish figure, I realized that I had the answer to the dilemma that has plagued everyone who ever wanted to drop 15 pounds. I call it the EAT LIKE A TODDLER AGAIN DIET.

This diet is truly unlike any diet you’ve ever tried. It’s CHEAP, has a wide variety of unqiue items, and in many cases offers unlimited amounts of specific foods. As with all diets, make sure you check with your physician (and any 3-year-old you know) before starting.

DAY ONE

Breakfast:

1 scrambled egg, 1 piece of toast with any red jelly and 5 pieces of cubed cheese. Eat two bites of the egg and, using your fingers, dump the rest on the floor. Take one bite of the toast and then smear the jelly over your face and clothes. Don’t eat the cheese.

Lunch:

a handful of corn chips and salsa, and a glass of milk (1 sip only, then refuse the rest).

Dinner:

half a banana, 4 sips of chocolate syrup and a Dr. Pepper.

Bedtime Snack:

1 handful of Cheerios (eat 6 and toss the rest).

DAY TWO

Breakfast:

Find a stale bagel and eat it.

Drink half a bottle of low-fat salad dressing .

Lunch:

Applesauce and strawberries until they come out your nose.

Afternoon snack:

Play with any Popsicle until it’s sticky, take it outside, and drop it in the dirt. Pick it up, don’t wipe it off and continue eating it until it’s clean again. Then bring it inside and flush it down the toilet.

Dinner:

leftover fried rice or whatever you didn’t fix for dinner. Pour your grape juice over mashed potatoes. Eat 9 helpings while singing. Sneeze with your mouth full and hit the wall.

DAY THREE

Breakfast:

Two frozen waffles with way too much syrup. Eat one waffle with your fingers and put the other in your pants, rub any leftovers on face and in your hair.

Drink 1/16th of a glass of milk. After breakfast, discover a sucker in your underwear drawer and feed it to the dog.

Lunch:

tuna sandwich. Mash the sandwich into the table and pour your glass of milk on top. Cram the entire mess into your mouth and spit out half.

Dinner:

Red pop that stains, chicken and the jelly beans from last week’s play group.

DAY FOUR

Breakfast:

All the toothpaste you can squeeze before someone stops you, and a pickle.

Pour a glass of orange juice over a bowl of Rice Krispies. Fling the bowl at anything that moves.

Lunch:

All the crumbs you can find on the kitchen floor and table as well as 3 apple slices. Ice cream after a 30-minute hissy fit.

Dinner:

A bowl of spaghetti and chocolate milk (mixed together). Leave hand prints of sauce on every surface you can reach. An entire package of gum for dessert.

DAY FIVE

Breakfast:

Macaroni and cheese

Lunch:

Macaroni and cheese

Dinner:

Macaroni and cheese

DAY SIX

Breakfast:

Macaroni and cheese

Lunch:

Macaroni and cheese

Dinner:

Refuse any and all macaroni and cheese. Wake up at 3 a.m. and demand macaroni and cheese.

DAY SEVEN

Breakfast:

Reject everything offered and then whine for 20 minutes. Demand popcorn and candy. Settle for grapes.

Lunch:

8 slices of leftover pizza

Dinner:

Chicken, green beans and potatoes. Scare everyone by actually eating everything and refusing dessert.

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